A Child of Hope
But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.
Lord, we are always wondering about things that happen.
When I sought a counselor about my life and what I thought was a possible relationship in my life, I was told to confront him with questions.
When I tried in my most inept way, I was told I was mistaken.
So was I imagining this or was I just being made fun of at the time.
Was it a joke? Did I make this up in my mind? What real proof do I have.
No words have been actually said to me to make me believe that this is truth that I should believe. All of this is intuition and inference.
So I pull back, stop doing what I had been doing, just writing my thoughts and feelings and then remove myself from a hurtful situation. Then I feel as if I am being stubborn and foolish.
If its all in my head, then I need to clear my head. I have taken things way out of context.
But yet, there seems to be something.
Something spiritual. Something to believe in. Something to say, no matter what it looks like, there is some reality to this situation. But is this really mutual or just me wanting it to be more than it is.
Nothing is said directly to you. Nothing is said to me to make me believe differently.
Nothing is done directly to you, but still, there is something there. So, I'm waiting. Waiting, Waiting, Waiting. Waiting for clarity. Waiting on the Lord. Waiting for evidence. I'm working near home. My finances are depleted. I work and still don't have enough. I'm focusing my mind on something else. Hope. Hope for my future. Hope to meet my needs and my bills. I rely on God, I keep my mind focused on God being with me and traveling this new journey together. If its really real, then God will find a way to make it happen. I will just keep trying to make my bills and focus on the present reality. I'm working weekends and evenings for the holidays. I'm going to church with my mom locally. I'm not in that situation that keeps me confused. I need clarity.
If its real, then God will make a way.
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