Blessings in Troubled Times

Jeremiah 17:5-18


Blessed is the Lord. Thank you Father for your holy blessing. You have given me another day.
Do not depend on man. Trust in the Lord.


The heart can be very deceitful. The Lord searches our heart and our mind, what does he find. The lord looks to reward us for what our conduct and deeds deserve.

If you tell me to go, I will go.
If you tell me to stay, I will stay.

Lord, there is nothing different in my conduct now than before. Who can understand it besides you?

I renew my trust in you Lord.

Wake up everybody

I'm awake at this time so everybody else needs to be awake too.😍
Blessed be the name of the Lord. I give you all the glory and honor.

Read a little bible, maybe grade some math and then take a nap until the women's final comes on. Serena and Venus together, probably for the last time, and the men's  final, roger and nasal. This was a good Aussie open.

My Leaders

2 Corinthians 11

Dear God I pray for the people who are my leaders. Those who I look to for guidance and those who are in charge of me by default. Who's leadership am I under and is this person a reflection of God? What am I being influenced by? What group speak have I taken on as OK? How am I influencing others? What does Christian leadership look like today and is it false or tru? What can I do to stay true to God? Lord help me with my ability to follow true leaders of Christ and be discerning of Astana leaders that are in church, school and home. Satan was and still is very influential. It seems as if the pendulum has swung very much in his favor but we will not be his fool. We will stand strong against oppression. Dear God hear the prayers of your people.
Well Lord I have a Drs appt today and I decided to take the whole day. We call her Auntie. She has such poor people skills. She doesn't know how to talk to her staff respectfully. I'm unorganized and I told her I know it. What now? I don't give enough test. Kiss my testing ass. My students did well on the district test. She needs to find something else to do. She's my work leader. I think she is a Satan servant masquerading as a servant of righteousness.
God you know how I feel about him. You know why I feel this way about him. I'm looking at him as my spiritual leader and I know he is anointed and holy, but he's still a man. He has gone through many hardships in his journey, just as Paul endured a lot also, but he loves the Lord and I know that for a fact. If nothing else I can say that. He endures a lot and needs our prayers.
Lord, where are my flowers, I need and apology and some flowers.

Sick

lord I know something is going on. Whatever it is let it be quick. I don't want to linger in some incapacitated state just to be here.
Romans 5
Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice

Where are my flowers

Our Struggle With Sin

Romans 7:7-25
Lord I am going to church today. I didn't want to go, but I checked the schedule and saw I'm on Eucharistic ministry today. Give me strength to do my job. Lord I ask you to tell me what to do. I will admit that he is my true love, my soulmate, my heart, but how do I manage this world that keeps us apart. He stopped showing me attention long ago. He asked once to marry me and never asked again. He's comfortable where he is, he doesn't have a need for me. He is content with or without me. He's indifferent. He could care less about whether we are together or not. Lord you tell me to stay every time I ask you should I go, so stay I will, but it breaks my heart in two. I don't know if I can stand the pain. Why doesn't he just move on to another woman, he doesn't want me anymore, he may already has and I'm the one still hanging on to nothing.

Rest in Jesus

Matthew 11:9-30

Thank you Lord for today. I pray that I find my rest in you. Opposition is everywhere. Man cannot be trusted to provide my rest or comfort. Life is fragile. We are here one day and gone the next. Whether anyone remembers us for doing good, helping someone out, affecting someone's life to bring some comfort is always our hope.
Jesus says come to me all who are weary and burdened, well that includes me and just about everyone I know. We have to rest in Jesus. Put our trust in Jesus. Put our worries and cares in Jesus. He alone can handle them. Love Jesus and your burdens will be lighter. Praise God. Lord, where are my flowers? I'm trusting you Lord to get them.

Dr King's Memory

Praise the Lord for goodness and kindness. Thank you God for all that you allow me to do and see.

Yesterday I wanted to honor the memory of Dr. King so I listened to his 53 minute acceptance speech of the Nobel Peace Prize. It continues to send shivers through me to know that he was enlightened enough to know that desegragating would also mean moving that poverty line. You can say all you want that things are equal, but without the wealthy doing their part, giving their fair share, nothing will change, and fifty years later, nothing has.

Then Lord you blessed me to watch the first hour or so of the MLK ceremony in Atlanta. It was refreshing to see Bernie Sanders sitting beside my pastor. The presentation was wonderful.

Then I went to see Hidden Figures. Remarkable movie. I loved that the women were portrayed as smart. The men were supportive, no selfish, angry black man. I loved it.

Then when I got home I was able to watch the part of the ceremony where my pastor spoke. The event was four hours long. He spoke the truth and he did it eloquently. He continues to try and reach into the hearts and minds of individuals. If you can't reach their heart, you will not reach their mind. You can reach their mind but you don't always reach their heart. Let them have compassion, then they will see the need.

Acts 12:7
Suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him up.

Save us Lord, save us. Bring us out of our prison.

My Necessary Truth

 John 4:23-24

God has given me the strength that I need to just stop finding fault and remember that we are all failed creatures in the world. I want flowers. I want an apology. I want a huge display of love. I want flowers now and on Valentines Day. Stupid and trial. Probably. but necessary for me. No on can tell you how you should feel or how you feel now. No one can tell you what will make you feel better ut you. I know that I want flowers. He has never sent me flowers. Never sent me flowers at any time. I don't mean giving all the women flowers in church, I mean sending me flowers to my job, sending flowers to my home. Sending me, personally flowers. See he has never really shown me that its me that he loves. I feel like Im some project, like the peace league, employment center or the ark. Im just another project for him. I will not be a project. I will be a team. He and I. Us together. I want flowers, I want to know that I am not just some job for him to check off. If he has moved on, then I will not get any flowers, if not, I will get flowers and will get them immediately. Period. No ifs, ands or buts. Flowers sent to me.

My Head Hurts

Romans 15:30-33 and 16:17-20\
Join me in my struggle. Lord my head hurts, I've been coughing all night, a really bad case of heartburn after eating that chili and it's only 8:45am. Praise the Lord. Well, I'll be ok as soon as these over the counter meds kick in. Thank God my appointment is this Friday. I have been sick for almost two months now. Mr Man, I wonder what his Saturday is going to be like?  This is my "woe is me" picture. What a day. Funeral and party. I am suppose to check for activities for my teacher friend that are going on at my church. I almost thought I was going to have to come on Sunday because she was bringing her family. But, she doesn't think  Sunday is a good day for them. She wants something to do for Monday. She asked me what do people do to celebrate Dr King and I told her it's a service day, then of course she asked me if my church has any projects going on for the children because her kids ask her about what do we do for Dr King, so I told her I would check and see if there was anything going on. I love it that the young (4-6) want to do something to remember him. We can't let his holiday fad into the background like Presidents' Day and Memorial Day. You get them off but it's just another day. We have to love the ones who gave their lives for our freedom. We need to continue to honor his efforts like second nature. Just like we think turkey for thanksgiving, service for Dr. King. My relationship with my church is under attack. My relationship with my parishnors is also under attack. Corinthians talks about relationships.

Pray for Faith

Luke 20:14-44 and 21: 1-4

Thank you God
Today is a good day, it's Friday
Tomorrow I have Carl's funeral, poor Sharon, burying another one of her siblings.
Then ministry meeting party from 4-7pm, don't want to be late, they might not let me in.
Praise be to God, we forgive and as time goes by we can put it in the sea of forgetfulness never to remember again.
Blessed is the name of our Lord and Savior.

It Figures, Oh Well (John 15:18-24)

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first...

Glory to God, so true, so true.
Well Lord, I locked myself out of my own iPad. Changed the passcode because a group of students saw me put it in and now I can't seem to get it right. I thought I just reversed the numbers but evidently I didn't. Now I have parents at the LSC meeting saying I give too much homework, I take too much time with behavior for the creep they put in my class who preys on the girls. Lord, I pray for these people. I'm truly coming prejudice against my own people. Mr Man has his gatekeepers and office wives that circle him and keep him at arms length to people, except the ones he wants to be close too and surprise, surprise, I aint one of them. God knows best and made sure it stayed that way. As Jesus said, "They hated me without reason."

Good Morning

Blessed is the Name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ

 Jonah 1

Running from God's will. That's what Jonah did. Jonah's disobedience. God asks us to do things that we don't agree with. They are difficult to comprehend, but God's way is not our way. We have to turn, create a sharp turn to do what God is asking us to do. I acknowledge my guilt to you Oh Lord. I didn't do what you asked me to do. I struggled with your command. I struggle still. This year Lord, I will be mindful of your desire for me. Ask what you will of me. I am your servant. I will do what you ask, even if it's difficult.

                         

President Obama's Farewell Speech

Thank you God for the United States electing a Black President.
I am energized and inspired.
I have mourned and grieved with families and felt the impact of impartial hurtful acts.
His faith in ordinary Americans
He loved his family, his wife and children.
hitch your wagon to something bigger than yourself.
We believe in an inclusive America.
The future is in good hands.
the young or young at heart, i am asking you to believe in your ability to believe.
Yes we can, yes we did, yes we can, God Bless the United States of America.

My Body is for Christ

1 Corinthians 5-6
Thank God sex is not something I have had in a very long time. Pure until I marry again. I will no defile my body. When I become one with a man, it will be with my intended husband, I can wait. I know God that it is on my mind because I am lonely for male companionship.

Better Days Are Coming

Bless the Lord. Thank you God. Better Days are Coming.
Zephaniah 3 1-20

God is good to me and I pray that this new year will keep me strong and in his word daily. I love you Lord and pray that I can be an example of your love to someone. You are my heart's desire and I want to please you. I confess my sins that have lead me astray. I will accept correction, I will trust in the Lord, and I will draw near to my God. Forgive my for my sins. Take me where you want me to go Lord. Be my guide and my shield.

Welcome 2017!!!!

I am so glad 2017 is here and ready to kick some ass. As I continue to just love 2017 and all that it is bringing me this year and in the future. I will not look to the past. I will not look to the past for stability and love. I will look for love in my future contacts.

My past is my past.
I spent so much time avoiding this relationship and now I am content to say ok God I will let it go. I will give up something that has consumed my life for so many years and caused me so much unhappiness. Today was the final straw. The straw that just broke the camel's back. I travel thirty miles to be a reader.

Rules are rules but he could have said something. Whether on time or not. I sent her an email that she could have easily responded with take your time, I have it under control. No, nothing, then just embarrass me like an infant in front of the other people and smile about the whole thing.

He could have easily said something but he chose to let his gatekeeper hold the reins. I get it. I walked away without any nonsense, but that was it for me. He neither needs nor wants me. I guess God knew this was not for me.
I'm sensitive, very sensitive. I'm too sensitive for this church. I love the fact that they will take on social cues that are affecting our young men, thee men need to be the stable part of the church, but for the women, poor relations.

I will give my tithes to this church, and the church only, but I will come only once a month. I am hurt y this church and I can only stand to be hurt once a month. Poor relation. Feed the Homeless, feed and clothes the women and children. play basketball for the young men.

This place is doing more than any place I know of, but for the parishioners, I'm just not sure if we are getting any of our needs met. That's why people leave. He should be a foundation, not a church. The spiritual hospital is for others, not for members, not for those we love.

Tough Love is all they have. We can't get too close, it might show our humanity for those in front of us who we see all the time. Why do we wear wigs, maybe its because we have a disease that we nee to wear wigs for. Why are we different, maybe God made us that way.

I think God knew my heart would break in two if I let him in. I think God knew I was not strong enough for a relationship with him.  I think God protected me. Protected him. I'm going to eharmony and find someone to date. internet dating has to work. Fuck this shit. I haven't had a date, man or relationship for over twenty years. I'm sick and tired of this shit. I need to open my heart, not fear and just jump in. Welcome 2017, I am yours.